Stand In
There have been a couple days, just a few, where I
have them all and it works. Where I can see the three
of them, talk to them and live in a space where it
doesn’t feel unbalanced. It just feels like our family.
It’s good.
It was a Joel filled weekend, of framing pictures long
left in packages and facing things left undone since
we knew he wouldn’t come home.
This morning I brought the monkey down from the nursery
and carefully placed Joel’s hat on Monkey’s head. The
monkey I laughed at Leo about for hours. We’d made a
trip to the baby store just days before my due date,
attempting to wrap things up. When you graduate from
law school just 3 weeks before your baby is due, many
things get left to the last minute. Leo couldn’t resist
anything. We giggled and laughed our way through the
aisles, attempting practicality, high on potential.
As many things as I placed back on the shelves I couldn’t
say no to the monkey. There are too many personal
and precious inside monkey jokes in our little family,
and it was too cute. The monkey came home and sat on
our dresser. I laughed at him about it for the next
week.
Monkey came to the NICU too, and met the little boy
who changed everything.
And Joel’s hat came to the NICU. It is the only piece of
clothing he ever wore, carefully crafted by Grandma.
I brought them down for me, but for the Peppers too. One
of my amazing aunts reminded me that families often
represent an absent child in photos with a stuffed animal
or trinket. I think that a monkey Daddy couldn’t resist in
a hat worn by the precious baby forever missed will sit in
for Joel just right. I want Red and Green to know Monkey
from the moment they show up. I want them to remind me
that he belongs in all the pictures too. I want them to
see something tangible of their brother in the snapshots
of their lives. His little hands have velcro, and I love
imagining the moments of a grown up Red and Green
sorting through pictures trying to find Monkey - did
we hang him from the lamp that day or was he hiding
in the couch? No! That was the day we hung him from
Dad’s neck and then on top of the cupboard! I want
our family to be that much fun. I want including Joel in
our family to be that much fun. I want Red and Green to
talk about him casually, often, easily and happily.
So Monkey is sitting on our dresser again, this time sporting
a little blue and white hat. He still makes me smile, at
how he got here and where he might go. Only now he
has a far bigger story and a more important job. Certainly
a job only a monkey could do.
Oh Sara, what an amazing post. I love the idea of Monkey in the pictures....that is classic! You will have a fun family. Red and Green will grow up knowing and loving their "monkey" brother so very much. I can't wait to see pictures and say "where's monkey?" Just like "Where's Waldo?!?!
Reply to this
A Monkey with a High Calling. What a special guy.
And these pictures of Joel? PRECIOUS.
Reply to this
This is amazing. I can almost picture Red and Green getting daily shots next to Monkey as they grow, charting how much bigger they are. And then as chubby toddlers, throwing Monkey at each other, hiding him, crying because they can't find him at bedtime. I can see it all, and I cannot wait.
Reply to this
How wonderfully, amazingly perfect. And yes - what a FUN way to bring Joel into every aspect of day-to-day life in your family. Gorgeous and inspiring.
Reply to this
Gosh I love pictures of Joel. It's like seeing right into heaven.
Those babies are going to love that monkey as much as you do.
Reply to this
Oh, that is just perfect! *clapping*
Reply to this
We do something similar with a stuffed bear - we take pics of the boys next to it at age milestones. Now that I can think of that bear as their lost sibling, it makes the idea even more special.
Thank you Joel and Monkey. Love you both so much.
Reply to this
Oh, I just love you so stinkin' much.
Reply to this
I have loved every. single. Joel. pic. And I have looked at them over and over.
But, Joel and the monkey, Joel and his hat made with love by Grandma.....swoon!!
These are just so very beautiful.
Reply to this
Oh how I loved this post! The monkey with the hat is perfect! Joel will forever be in your hearts and that of the Peppers! I just love how you are already thinking of ways to do that!
Reply to this
Excellent read, I just passed this onto a colleague who was doing a little research on this topic. And he actually bought me lunch because I found it for him. So I should thank you for the free lunch I got.
Reply to this
Il s'agit d'un blog sympa. Good clean assurance-chômage et agréable blogsd'information. Je vais revenir dans un peu, grâce à la grande poste .. Il semble que tout le monde est dans ce genre de trucs récents. Ne comprends pas vraiment bien, maismerci pour essayer de l'expliquer. Appréciez-vous faire la lumière sur cette affaire.Chaque site doit avoir cela. J'ai mis un lien vers votre blog sur mon site, j'espère que vous ne me dérange pas? property loans
Reply to this