Milestones
Joel would be five months old today.
I wrote a post last week that ended like this:
Labor sucked, our baby died, the end.
I wrote a post about today that included this:
Where I used to see possibilities now all I see is disappointments.
I am not where I thought I would be today, in a thousand ways. But I want to get better, I want to make progress, I want to find a way to believe again.
So I am not publishing those posts, I am publishing this one where I tell you I’m working on it and for his five month birthday I am not going to wallow, I am going to say I am so glad for my son.
Joel, I am so glad you were my baby. I am so glad that I got to see your little face and know that you looked just like your Dad. Thank goodness you got my chin or we would all have to wonder. I am so glad that you and I had so much fun while you were in my belly. I’m so glad there’s a God and a heaven and you live there with him. I am so glad to know that you will never hurt or be sad. I am so glad that you got to be the one to make me a Mom. I’m so glad I got to hold you and smell your precious head and kiss your soft, sweet hair. I am so glad that you introduced me to so many wonderful people I never would have met without you. I am glad for you buddy; in a thousand ways I am so glad you are our son.
Happy five month birthday Joel James – for you, I am glad.
you are making progress Sara, whether you realize it or not, you are. You will believe again, you will have hope again, you will smile again. All of these things will happen again with time. You can't be expected to turn of your feelings of saddness...they are real and if you need to post some of those ones you don't think you should, do it anyway....you are loved by many. Thank you again for sharing your all with us.
love and hugs-
Cari
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And I am so glad you shared this.
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Sara, I always struggled with trying to be where I felt I should be and I see that you are, too, but please know that where you are at RIGHT NOW is EXACTLY where you SHOULD BE, always. Trust that, somehow, you just need to trust that.
I'm so glad that Joel knew YOU and your love and all that you offered and continued to offer him.
Sending you love, today and always. I hope you can feel it.
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I am so glad to know you, your beauty, Joel's dark hair, and your perfectly painted nails.
What Beth said is true. Be where you are, where you need to be, and that is the best place to be.
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Happy 5 mo. Birthday, Little Man. Sara, I have been reading a Bible study on Daniel in which David Jeremiah talks about the resurrection, the Rapture, and when all of us get to live eternally with God. There are so many of us who are waiting to meet this boy. I know he is beautiful. And you and he and his daddy are all so loved. Big hug to you now, big hug to Joel soon. B.
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This is so beautiful. Your heart, your soul, your son, so beautiful. Thank you for sharing something so intimate and personal. Thank you for allowing me on your journey with you.
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I enjoyed reading your nice blog. I see you offer priceless info. Congratulations, and keep posting to us.
Do have some sort of email system where your blog posts emailed to me? gre
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