I’m in some kind of funk, a slump, somewhere below the line of fine. I think it is aggravated by the fact that this is not in my nature at all. My personality usually hovers somewhere between happy and complete spaz. I’m really good at that. I am totally the one you want to tell good news, share a joyful moment, and plan a party with. I hope that I am a good enough friend that I am also able to share the tough moments of your life, but I really like about myself that I am quite likely to turn cartwheels when you tell me something fun. (Or suggest going for ice cream, seriously, I’m easy to please.)

The past few days it’s all I can do to roll over for a meal. (This is not an attractive image; it makes me picture myself as some kind of slug. Gross. I have got to kick this thing.) I know there are infinite combinations of things that have to be in play to take me down; a single arrow doesn’t usually deflate my entire balloon for more than a minute. I can point to a few of them, but I still feel like I’m missing something.

1)     After looking forward to a baby, nothing else really seems worth looking forward toward. It’s hard for me to get excited the way I used to for simple things. Missing out on the most fun thing ever has sapped my energy for the little fun things that used to get me through the day.

2)     Hormones? I really have no idea. Having a baby seriously messes with your body, yo. My hair is falling out in handfuls and my cycle resembles a Picasso far more than a nice round circle. Something tells me this isn’t helping.

3)     One year ago today I woke Leo up before 6am and then had to spend all day convincing him that a faint line is still a line. He didn’t believe me until two days later I got a digital test that said PREGNANT. I really liked that day. This one blows monkey chunks in comparison.

4)     That Leo guy I like so much is headed out of town for a few days. For the first time since I didn’t have Joel to keep me company and convince people that I wasn’t just talking to myself. Plus he is a complete and total GROUCH before he leaves to go anywhere. IwillbefineIwillbefineIwillbefineIwillbefineIwillbefineIwillbefineIwillbefineIwillbefine.

I believe in “fake it until you feel it”. I am practicing it regularly, but a couple times a day I slide down the slope into the valley of my slump. Every time it seems just a little harder to dust off my jeans and start clawing my way up again. I am going to make it, I know this is temporary, but it is HARD. And I think I have had enough of HARD this summer to last me a lifetime. So could somebody just box me up some FUN and EASY and ship it my way? I promise to do cartwheels when it arrives.